At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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