I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
