Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
