I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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