forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
