after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
