fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
