I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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