The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
