I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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