Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
