The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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