okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
