bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
