Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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