Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everclear isn't food dammit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
