We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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