I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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