Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
