i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
