Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
