He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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