im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
