I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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