I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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