Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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