He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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