woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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