I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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