i would punch a child for taco bell
do herpes really smell.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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