people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
