Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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