Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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