Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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