I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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