I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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