I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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