He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
