Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
