I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was born a porn star she said
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
