I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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