Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
