New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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