I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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