Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found your dick twin last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
