She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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