how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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