I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
