I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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