I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
