I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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