so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
