as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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