I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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