using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
