i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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