I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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